Why Don't You Just Leave Him?

This happened 7 days before I finally left him for good. I refer to this night as my “Night of Terror”. I had to call the cops on him on Christmas Eve, and spent 3 days in a motel. When I went back, he was in full damage control mode. This is where an abuser will cry, make promises that they’ll change, and they’ll put on a big performance so that you’ll think that they’ve seen the light in their actions. Once I finally got the courage to leave in January, I booked a flight. ⠀⠀

This recording is from the night in January when I told him that I was leaving. He blew up and reacted by turning the heat off (it was 14°F that night), turning all the lights off, and blaring heavy metal/satanic music while he sat at the front door with loaded guns. He wanted me to call the cops while threatening to murder them once they showed up. I didn’t want anything to happen to the police, so for HOURS I tried to calm him down. What you’re listening to is the moment when I unplugged the Bluetooth speaker. He came up behind me, pushed me over the coffee table while trying to get the cord back. At the end, he was literally on top of me, whispering threats to kill the cops in my ear. It was freezing cold, dark, terrifying, and the worst night of my life. Since I didn’t want the police officers to die, I just accepted that he might kill me instead. After almost 8 hours, he just stopped his torture and went to bed like nothing had happened. ⠀

For months after I left him, I was haunted by terrible nightmares of that night. My husband chose to torture me with psychological violence and threats because I wanted to leave him due to his abuse.⠀

This is why women have a hard time leaving abusive marriages. It’s not that women are weak or don’t want to leave — it’s that abusive dynamics are designed to trap them, and systemic barriers reinforce that trap. Leaving often requires careful planning, support, and significant resources to ensure safety and stability.

If you're experiencing domestic violence and need help contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233 or thehotline.org