Forgiveness is Healthy Living

Have you ever really listened to someone when they say, “I’ll never forgive them…” The pain, anger and resentment changes the tone of their voice and it’s almost as if you can hear the gnashing of their teeth. Or what about the people who claim that they’ve forgiven someone yet their words and actions don’t match their claims. Unforgiveness isn’t just something you say, it’s a complete release of energy, it’s an action. You let go of resentment, anger, bitterness and the desire for revenge of the person who hurt you. When you let go of the bad and release that person of what you think they owe you, it’s not about forgetting, condoning, or reconciling, but rather a journey of giving that person to God and moving forward.

In Matthew 18:21-22, Jesus teaches Peter about the extent of forgiveness, saying, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” Meaning, you forgive the person until you actually forgive that person, and then you forgive them again. Forgiveness isn’t about them or what they did to you. In the book by Nelson L. Schuman, “Freedom from Soul Woulds and Demons”, he explains forgiveness like this: 

Forgiveness is defined as “the letting go of sin.” In the Bible, this includes forgiving everyone, every time, of everything, an act of obedience and gratefulness to God. It acknowledges the sacrifice God made through His Son Jesus, who died to restore the relationship between God and Man.

Beautiful and moving but although our spirit is willing, our flesh is weak and forgiveness can be hard. Many people are surprised when I tell them that I have forgiven my ex-husband for his abuse of me. They want me to be mad, hold his feet to the fire for his crimes and make him pay. Trust me, there was a time when I was absolutely enraged with anger at the injustice that comes from a man saying vows to love, honor and respect me only to have him do the exact opposite. But one day in my healing journey, God spoke to me and showed me the truth of what I needed to see. 

The man that I fell in love with and chose to marry is not the same man who hurt me. The day that I forgave my ex-husband, God put Ephesians 6:12 on my heart: “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” At his core, my ex is a beautiful soul whom I will love forever. But that soul is wounded by darkness, pain, unforgiveness and sinful living. He doesn’t know God, refuses to heal his pain and will continue to see the world (and every woman who loves him) as his enemy. My life with him was one big long battle of spiritual warfare. And I’m not just referring to the abuse. I watched a man be tormented by his trauma, held hostage by demons and reject any light that would try to push out the dark. I forgave him just as God forgave me because I’m a sinner too. I’ve hurt people who love me (even my ex-husband), I’ve hurt people who don’t know me and I’ve done some pretty terrible things in my life. And guess what? I still sin every day! We all do. I forgave my ex-husband because I chose to release him of the debt I felt he owed me. I forgave him because I love myself too much to hold onto something that will be poison to my body, mind and soul. I forgave him because God loves me so much that He gave His only Son so that I would not perish and have an everlasting life. Forgiveness isn’t about the other person—It’s about you and God. 

One of the topics I love to research is how unforgiveness affects your health. I feel that disease happens in our bodies due to our environment (water, pesticides, chemicals, pollution), our choices (faith, food, exercise, lifestyle, Big Pharma etc) and unforgiveness. These 3 categories are all the same when it comes to risk of diseases but unforgiveness is the one that no one really talks about. Research has shown that unforgiveness is connected to high blood pressure, weakened immune systems, reduced sleep, chronic pain, and cardiovascular problems. Unforgiveness hinders the body’s ability to heal and causes inflammation. This means, you can be living the healthiest life but if you’re holding onto unforgiveness, there’s no supplement, biohack or exercise you can do that will stave off disease. 

Unforgiveness also infects our lives from a spiritual level. If you hold onto unforgiveness, you’re also holding onto anger, resentment, bitterness and pride. In Ephesians 4:26-27, we’re told “In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. "God doesn’t want us to live with destruction of anger nor does he want us to give authority to satan and his demons to torment us. When you don’t forgive someone, you’re inviting demons to attack you and giving them the authority to do so. Have you ever been hurt by someone and then end up ruminating about them constantly? Maybe you have conversations with them in your head and say all of the things that you wish you had said, or you talk about what you went through with anyone who will listen? The person and the pain that they caused live in your head like a broken record. There’s a time in your healing journey that will require you to revisit the pain that they caused and talk therapy can be very helpful to navigate your feelings. But the difference between the person being on the forefront of your mind because you’re processing and healing versus demons tormenting you with your unforgiveness are two different things. One will have fruit while the other will be destructive. Fruit will look like progress in your healing journey while the other will be nightmares, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, a negative mindset, depression etc. Thankfully, we have free will and with God’s help, we can forgive, let go and give that person to God. 

I believe that the root of my ex-husband’s abuse is unforgiveness. He won’t forgive the people in his childhood who hurt him, he won’t forgive himself for being hurtful, and he won’t forgive God for how he thinks God forsake him. His life and his health are a perfect reflection of what happens when you give the devil a foothold. Demons torment him and sadly, they’ll continue to hurt him and anyone who loves him until he forgives and gives his life to God. 

Pain is unavoidable because mankind is broken and we live in a fallen world. We will hurt each other and unforgiveness will happen. But it doesn't have to stay in you. The second it creeps in, you can hold onto it and suffer the consequences. Or you can give it to God, let go of that person and release all of the darkness that is trying to hurt you more than the pain that person caused. Don’t be robbed of the life God has for you because you’ve somehow confused strength with unforgiveness. True strength and healthy living is letting go, not holding onto what hurt you. 

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Ephesians 4:31-32